I am puke
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
