the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
