It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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