Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
