im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
