Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
