I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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