I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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