fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
