The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
