I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
