What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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