you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
What drink are we having for lunch?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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