My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
