This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Less talking, more tequila
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
