Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
