So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
