Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
