Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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