it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
