i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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