I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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