I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Please don't give away my fajitas
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
