so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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