Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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