Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
