i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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