But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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