The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize