Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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