I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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