I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
