I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
