Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
