Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
