Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
