my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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