"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she peed on how many people?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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