yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
