ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
