3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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