so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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