where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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