he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.