The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
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She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.