What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
