i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
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Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
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All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on