WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Acid is not a monday night drug
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
