wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
