Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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