"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
