I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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