So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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