onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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