your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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