mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
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He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
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Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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