i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
