The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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