we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
