i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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