don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
