Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
