Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
