he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
