apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment