my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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