Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...

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(585): View more from New York

i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"

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(805): View more from California

i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(708): View more from Illinois

Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?

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(704): View more from North Carolina

This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.

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(916): View more from California

I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.

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(425): View more from Washington

I could run a drunk marathon in heels

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(478): View more from Georgia

Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.

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