I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
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I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.