I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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