yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.