tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
