Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
