drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
