at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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