Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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