i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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