Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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