First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
