I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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