Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
