I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
