she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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