Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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