he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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