Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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