So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
