Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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